I am a 32 year old mama to be who has nerves as strong as a tornado about mama-hood. Yet with this feeling, the idea also enlightens me, making me feel a different type of happiness at the same time – if that is at all possible?! Prior to finding out I was carrying my bump Lentil, I was a driven career woman, continuing to work if I was sick, and constantly on the work mobile even if I was on annual leave. When work was not on my mind, I would grasp onto a holiday (where possible 3 times a year) either with my family, friends or boyfriend.
The inkling of having my own child would not even cross my mind a few years ago. If anything, that was when I was really scared. Forget horror movies – I can watch any scary movie. Not knowing how to hold babies, speaking baby nonsense language (Just speak normally adults please!), and further interacting with them – frightens the hell out of me. I left a lighter in a pen pot – what was wrong with me?! I said no to a child so that she could eat from her own colourful polypropylene plate rather than my plate. She also demanded the blue chocolate penguin. What did I do? I said they all taste the same irrespective of the colour. Boy, did I receive an enactment of Boo, Monsters Inc crying! I do not even know how to change nappies!
I was doing the online dating game on and off for about 2 years. I started a blog with a few posts but never got a chance to post all the cringe-worthy stories. Yet, it was through this gruesome repetitive dating experience that I met my boyfriend, Martin. This would have been the last online date that I would experience if it did not work out well! I can say – that he was definitely the final online date. **Awwww**.
Sitting down watching something on the TV, I turn around to face Martin and said “Could you just give me a baby instead of marriage first?” and then laughed it off. The question got rejected or ignored. In my mind, it was that we were sharing more and more moments with babies, kids whom I was starting to get a teeny tiny bit comfortable with (Just a little). Along with that usual worry of most females – the biological clock ticking. We went on a beautiful holiday a month later to Montenegro – which I would revisit! It was absolutely breath-taking, clear lakes, fast rivers and gorgeous mountains – the hotter climate Eastern Europe version of Cumbria (Where Martin was brought up and raised). After we settled back in London, it was at this point Martin asks me the big question – the question to have our own kids!