A beautiful day out at Mayfield Lavender, Banstead
A beautiful day out at Mayfield Lavender, Banstead
With emotional rollercoasting crying over anything, Martin handled it by sympathising or ignoring it (haha but it worked). He would be cornered to the side of the bed as the pregnancy pillow took over. He had to deal with all my dribble on his clothes as I fell asleep anywhere when I was too tired. He would relunctantly (maybe they smelled?) tie my trainers laces or put my shoes on as I couldn’t bend down easily for every outing. Even putting the pregnancy belt round me or helping me squeeze into clothing that I refused to be too small for me. Loving me and my bump whilst it grew to a melon size. Teasing me as I walked like a penguin at the pace of a snail. Forced to carry anything heavy from my bag or taking the bin outside . Dealing with my tantrums when I felt inadequate about anything. Cooking mountains of dishes as I was a pig (and still am). Chauffeured where ever I needed to as I couldn’t drive well. Reading and talking to Bump lentil everyday. Forced to give me back rubs and stroke my skin as everything hurts. Being my 999 support aid 24/7 when I needed him.
Tackling those moments from the moment Joshua was pushing to get out into this world. Martin had sleepless nights like any new dad. (He seems to now sleep through easily – lucky him!!) He would be the target of Joshua’s urine fountain (Always puts a smile to my face when this happens). I would save the mahoosive yellow poo nappies for him (Ahahahaha) . Martin knows how to calm Joshua till he falls asleep with him for a nap. Horse games and sing alongs to entertain Joshua throughout the week. Carrier and pramming anywhere. Funny noises or great stories shared to Joshua. Even calming and reassuring Joshua whilst he manically craves for food (like his mummy). All of this whilst working, cleaning and meeting my demands (which is never ending), along with my bitchiness.
He’s been the best partner to me and an amazing dad to Joshua.
HAPPY FIRST FATHERS DAY!
For the Mummy to Be and all Mummies;
Who have yearned for her own family,
Repeatedly tried for a baby,
Bared a lost through pregnancy
Stands alone during the 9 months
Tasted the morning sickness
Cashed out on expandable clothes
Struggled with their wrists
Unmoveable and stiff pelvis
Big and sensitive breasts
Momentarily loses her sense
Uses panty liners consistently
Or even has bladder incontinence
Big feet syndrome
Bruised internally due to being a punching bag
Moves at a snail’s pace
Wobbling down the road
Gulping for air
Night slowly disappearing as the day becomes one
Branches of veins growing
Or skin being pulled in all directions
Scheduled doctor’s appointments
Needles penetrating the skin
Crazy healthy eating
Squeezing into spaces that just doesn’t work
Instructing people to move out the way
Dreaded panicky incidents
Uncomfortable hospital beds
Magnitude of contractions
Giving birth to new life
There may be hardship to get to the next stage of mummyhood but trying the upmost is all that matters. No need to follow others, just do what you feel is right. What waits down the line is a new world but a unique and amazing one. For those experiencing the magical moments with their little ones, I have so much respect for you!
All of above is worth it whether you experience a few or all. Here’ the first month of my little man.
I head to the bathtub just to clean myself. My vagina feels like it’s been ripped to shreds. My tummy feels wobbly, loose and weak. I wonder how Joshua feels – he’s been squeezed out, where he had a bit of a cone head! As I soak, I take a breather, realising that I gave birth to my little human, my little boy. I am amazed and in utter shock! Me, a mummy?!! I have my own family, Joshua, Martin and I? Very strange. The bath is soothing me, but the water starts turning red. Disappointed I couldn’t be there longer I get out. It’s time to wear the maternity pads of which I forgot that they’d be a lot of bleeding afterwards for weeks.
Returning back to the maternity ward as a family, it’s late in the night. We try and get some sleep and Joshua is actually a gem during the night. We’ve awaken him for feeds and checks only. Through the night, my eyes are drawn to him as I just can’t stop looking at him. As he’s not latching well on my breast, I worry that I can’t produce enough milk which actually really hurts, especially as I am told to hand express as I opted for breastfeeding. The hand expressing needed patience from me to get it going (and possibly the right technique) of which I found so difficult but got there in the end and was able to express up to 45ml.
The morning a midwife does her routine checks for all mothers and their babies. As he is physically checked, his colour is also checked. I hear “He’s a bit yellow”. I think, well that’s because I am yellow – drrrrrrrrrrr, forgetting about the jaundice symptom. I then remember it’s due to bilirubin not being expelled properly from Joshua’s body, which causes the yellow bruising. Good thing I didn’t blurt it out. My heart sinks twice as his foot is pricked to test for Jaundice, along with confirmation of Jaundice at the bilirubin levels of 117. On top of this he is also taking to the neonatal clinic for antibiotics as he was early to help prevent or at least decrease any infections that could occur. He’s returned to me with a sock on his hand to cover the pain he’s experienced. Feeling really low about all of this, Joshua is treated with phototherapy. This is a UV light treatment in his cot to help break down the bilirubin. This entails that Joshua only wears a nappy and a mask (Makes him look like a superhero), so that all his skin can be exposed to the light. The downfalls with this is you have to be quick on feeding, changing nappy’s and soothing him, so that he can absorb as much light as possible. This was a very stressful process for Martin and I as we wanted to be spending quality time with him on the first week, with skin to skin, playing, and holding him. In addition, I had to breast feed, use expressed milk, and top up with formula which was classified as one feeding. We then had to feed every 3 hours no matter what, to ensure Joshua could flush out the bilirubin with his poo and urine. (O my gosh the poo! He had expelled and aimed his black poo with a gesture of his fart all over me!). I have to say there were times I felt like giving up on breastfeeding. The feeding became a tiresome schedule through each day and was quite a battle.
A case of the baby blues showed its face, whilst Martin was away during the course of 1 night. Amongst the crying of the other babies in the ward, the engorgement of my breasts (Boy, were they so painful), the 3 feedings in 1, changing nappies, consoling him when crying, seeing the UV light, pelvic/back pain, tired, not being able to always hold him and questioning everything I’m doing bought me to utter despair. I felt useless, crap and a failure. I got through it many hours later, as a midwife was there to advise and assist where needed. I still have little sobbing moments to this day ( 5 weeks ) but what do you expect!? I’m hormone crazy where my body is trying to get back to normal.
All through this, Joshua stayed quite positive. He was usually quite well behaved. He did however despise that mask. If he knew how to use his hands he would have ripped that mask in our faces! When night time arose, he would fidget a lot but was quiet. His temperature was a tad bit low most days and nights so I did get the chance to have a bit of skin to skin. Rather than fully enjoying this time, it was rushed so that the time in the UV light couldn’t be compromised. Eventually he looked better where the yellow decreased. But each day he would endure a blood test – which he took remarkably well with only flinching and no crying.
Being there was a challenge for 8 days. As I was getting familiar with everything, I did see some new mummies and daddies really struggle. One thinking a bit of posseting is baby chocking and about to die. Another not holding the baby at all. The lady across me was experiencing the same – with her baby having jaundice. The mother who can’t carry or move as easy. The mama who didn’t have English as her first language so didn’t understand what the doctors were saying. What helped was Martin being there, family and friends visiting and the midwives being very helpful constantly. We learnt so much and felt more confident by the end of the week. It turns out that that they could not find a fault of why the jaundice is being prolonged after mainly tests. We are home but Joshua still continues to have jaundice (5 weeks and 6 days later), of which the updated results shows his bilirubin is higher than when he was born and that he has neutropenia which is abnormally low number of blood cells. Awaiting the next steps from the paediatrician.
The day arrived where the effort of my organisers Louella, Monica and Shireen worked together to comprise a fun filled beautiful baby shower. They took control and everything was a surprise – something that is so hard for me to do as I am normally the organiser. Arriving at the venue with Martin, firstly I was bewildered that the place exists, The Trafalgar Arms pub in Tooting. I remember it looking tacky and old – but now it was refurbished with a front garden and shelter.
Then as we walked in we were taken to Smith Bar, there was a table that had beautifully presented name tags and food orders.
As I got further inside, where the guests were waiting, I let loose some tears. Oh no – the emotional pregnant me is coming out again! As I made my way talking to all my friends and family – it just felt so overwhelming. I couldn’t believe that a lot of them came – some I haven’t seen for years and some that haven’t seen me or the bump. Yet they mean the world to me! A small glimpse later, I notice a table of red velvet cupcakes – one of my favourite flavours and cute macaroons! Next to them was a wishing jar and nappy cakes! All the great detail was fantastic!
After everyone had arrived the Smith Bar had sliding doors that opened up to another room! That was not suspected at all! As I walked through to the Sullivan Room I immediately see a laptop connected to the tv – where a slide show of photos and all the guests are presented. I could not take my eye of them – some photos I have never seen, all with cringe worthy moments or happy times! Then underneath was a magnitude of gift bags! Bugger that was a lot! Then the tables were laid out scattered with cute confetti, a framed poem and Baby Bingo cards! The walls had baby bunting and tissue paper balls. Oh, how loved and adored everything!
We ate – and boy was the food good!
Full of laughter were these well-presented games. However losers were penalised with a splat of Elvis urine! Haha!
Baby Big cards – game players needed to hit a match of words on a line and 2 winners would receive a gift.
Guess tummy size – game players had some string to guess my belly size! Offensive guesses and some complimenting guesses – lol!
Guess what is in the bag – game players picked had to guess what was in the bag and if they guessed correctly I would win the item!
Eat the rusks – The quickest player to eat 2 rusks wins! This was too funny just seeing guests stuffing their face.
Drink the milk – Who could suck milk out of a bottle the quickest! Wow – these ladies are good at sucking!
Guess the baby food – taste unnamed baby food! This was a eye opener – I didn’t like any of the flavours.
Put the nappy on – Wrap tissue around as many guests as you can.
Build the nappy cake – quickest team to build a nappy cake!
Overall, I cannot thank the organisers so much for this amazing baby shower and all the guests who really participated in everything thrown at them. It was moments of happy tears, and the best moments with people I loved. Thank you to all of my dearest!